The Truck on Larkspur Street
Every November, on the fourteenth, I park in the same spot across from 118 Larkspur Street.
Same curb. Same hour. Same seat in the same truck, engine off, wipers still ticking against the rain.
I don't get out. I never get out. I just watch the porch light flicker on around six, watch a shadow cross behind the curtains, and then I drive home.
Twenty-four years I've done this. Twenty-four Novembers.
The house doesn't look like it did that night. New siding. New roof. Somebody planted a maple out front that's taller than the chimney now. But I still see it the other way if I close my eyes — smoke rolling black out of the upstairs window, the porch rail hot enough to blister skin, a woman screaming a name over and over from the front lawn while two of my guys held her back.
I was twenty-three. Eleven months on the job. I went in on my hands and knees because the smoke was already at eye level in the hallway, and I found the nursery by feel more than sight.
She wasn't crying. That's the part that still wakes me up sometimes. Three weeks old and she wasn't crying, just this thin, rattling breath under a crib full of smoke.
I don't talk about that night. I never gave interviews, never let the department put my name on anything. I just come back every year, sit in this truck, and make sure the lights are still on.
That's the whole ritual. Has been for two decades.
Tonight the porch light comes on same as always. Six-oh-four.
But the door opens too. That's new.
A young woman steps out onto the porch — hood up against the rain, hands jammed in her jacket pockets — and instead of going down the steps toward the street, toward a car, toward anywhere else, she stops at the top of them.
And looks straight at my truck.
Not at the house across from hers. Not up the block. At me.
I sit very still, the way you do when you think stillness might make you invisible.
It doesn't work.
She comes down the steps.